Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
