The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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