do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
ok first of all what the fuck
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
