I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
