just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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