I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
