Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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