I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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