This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize