Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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