i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
