his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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