i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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