i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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