The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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