Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
