I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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