I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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