dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
