Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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