Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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