There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
