I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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