Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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