So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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