So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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