my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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