I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
