she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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