Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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