Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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