Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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