hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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