apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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