The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
