that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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