I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
