I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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