Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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