Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
