If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
