did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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