It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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