I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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