it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
