I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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