I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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