I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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