her vagina looked like bernie madoff
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
