I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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