i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize