Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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