We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
