I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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