dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
