dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
