Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just high enough for therapy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
