My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
