Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
