ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
