Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize