i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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