And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
