The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
