Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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